Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
