My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
