just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
