Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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