the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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