Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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