I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
