i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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