Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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