so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's the barista slut.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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