you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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