my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
