i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
