This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
