I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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