What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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