I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
