worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize