If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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