Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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