Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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