I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
