idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
