it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize