1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he fucked my hip out of place.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
