Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
