census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
