you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
did i walk over a car last night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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