Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
