Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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