I faked an abortion last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
