I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
