the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have demons in me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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