Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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