If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
