i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
