dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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