I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
