problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
