the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize