I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My feet surprised me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
