Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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