the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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