and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
