I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
