I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
3pm strippers are depressing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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