I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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