Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
