Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
