she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
