You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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