In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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