How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
