I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
