I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
