foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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