i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize