you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
