Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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