is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
