Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
