I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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