When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
