i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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