All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
