There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looked like the before picture.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
