does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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