we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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