Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
