Do you still have your period?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
