I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I deserve this hangover.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize