She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
