i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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