it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
