THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
